{"id":2479,"date":"2025-04-23T04:16:24","date_gmt":"2025-04-23T04:16:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/excrcl.com\/?p=2479"},"modified":"2025-04-23T04:16:24","modified_gmt":"2025-04-23T04:16:24","slug":"its-not-whether-you-win-or-lose","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/excrcl.com\/?p=2479","title":{"rendered":"It\u2019s Not Whether You Win or Lose"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

You know that pithy statement, It\u2019s not whether you win or lose, it\u2019s how you play the game<\/em>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Man, that feels actually so true in my life right now. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It started with returning to my outdoor climbing project, Sonic Youth (5.13a). My badass climbing partner, Casey, had shown it to me in the fall. She subsequently sent it after 4 sessions like the crusher she is. I questioned if it would go back to it; I only had two sessions on it, and it seemed decently out of reach. But my buddy Brit was interested in checking it out last month, so I said, \u201cWhy the heck not?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I got back to it in March, I climbed it better than I ever had before. I dialed in the crux beta, falling on it probably a dozen times until I successfully locked it in. I wasn\u2019t frustrated \u2014 I was ecstatic. Suddenly, this route was plausible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I ended up going back two weeks later. The conditions weren’t ideal \u2014 I had traveled the day before and didn’t get to sleep until 1:30 am. But the first attempt I made, I nearly sent it! I made it through the crux, and was so surprised, I pumped myself out, hesitating. I whipped a couple more times on it after that, but I felt so joyful. Even though I\u2019d technically \u201cfailed\u201d, I felt the strongest I ever had. I felt so accomplished that I had turned something that once seemed practically impossible to just out of reach.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I found myself thinking about this paradox last night at game two of the first round of the NBA playoffs, Nuggets v. Clippers. My two coworkers, Chelsea and Jeremiah, had proposed we see a playoff game before the tickets got too expensive. I was in \u2014 we even splurged on more pricey tickets to be closer to the court. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What a phenomenal choice that was. I had the time of my life! Watching the Nuggets battle it out against the Clippers, the point difference never exceeding 8 points, was the most thrilling basketball experience I have ever had \u2014 maybe even more than the Nuggets winning<\/em> the finals back in 2023.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was reflecting on this feeling as we departed Ball Arena, the Nuggets losing by just once basket but playing a very solid, tactical game. We lost, but it didn’t really feel <\/em>like we lost. In a larger sense, I\u2019ve been experiencing this win-lose phenomenon for months: chipping away tirelessly and then experiencing a roadblock. Rinse and repeat. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m trying to start my own business. But it\u2019s more than trying; I want to relentlessly pursue it until it either succeeds or fails. So attached to this dream I have become, practically no setback can deter me. Every \u201cno\u201d or closed door just galvanizes me to try harder, to work smarter, to rethink things. To play the game better. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In all cases, it\u2019s not about the outcome. Mastering every move of Sonic Youth was so thrilling; every dunk by Aaron Gordon brought the biggest smile and loudest screams; every successful business email and call lights a fire inside of me. Who cares that I didn\u2019t send the route, that the Nuggets lost the game, that the business isn\u2019t moving as fast as I thought it would? I am winning the experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

I find myself more equanimous (I had to look up the adjective of equanimity) by the day. When I get harried by a bunch of customers coming into the restaurant, I take a breath and tell myself I\u2019m just hungry and there\u2019s nothing wrong. When I am climbing the stairs to the casual shoe warehouse for the umpteenth time to find another size of Blundstones for someone, I tell myself, at least I\u2019m getting my steps. <\/em>The other day, I got cut off by a car while I was leaving work, and after a flash of anger, my brain flipped the switch. Maybe<\/em> that person is experiencing an emergency and needs to rush. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I say all of this with a grain of salt, though. While I’ve developed more composure in certain situations, I am an emotional being to my core. Lately, it’s my empathy that’s gotten the better of me \u2014 tears forming for both loved ones and strangers after learning of their pain, as if it were about me or if I were the one hurt. It is this contradiction that makes me want to lean into the idea of “playing the game” better from an emotional standpoint; to be the one who enjoys the process (the ups and downs of life) and feels accepting of the outcome (happiness, love, heartbreak, frustration, and all the other things life throws).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

The other day, I went climbing at the gym with my coworker, Xander. We got on ropes, which neither of us had done for a while. I hopped on this new 5.12 that Casey had told me about \u2014 she called it \u201cspicy.\u201d “Spicy” is often a euphemism for \u201csketchy\u201d in climbing. The first half of the route was reasonable, but then it really turned up. I was surprising myself as I made several improbable right hand bumps on crimps, and on the the penultimate hold, a giant sloper, my foot cut unexpectedly. I rested and finished the route easily. Xander lowered me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAre you okay<\/em>?\u201d He asked, somewhat concerned and crestfallen. He couldn\u2019t believe I had come off the wall. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTotally!\u201d I replied with a laugh. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut \u2026 but \u2026 it didn\u2019t seem like you were going to fall!” He persisted. “What happened?!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHa, I\u2019m not sure! I think that hold I pressed my feet on was a little slick and vertical, so my feet came off? It\u2019s all good!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It really didn\u2019t matter to me \u2014 what mattered was how I played the game.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You know that pithy statement, It\u2019s not whether you win or lose, it\u2019s how you play the game? Man, that feels actually so true in my life right now. It started with returning to my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2479","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ponderings","category-rsr"],"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/excrcl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2479","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/excrcl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/excrcl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/excrcl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/excrcl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2479"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/excrcl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2479\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2488,"href":"https:\/\/excrcl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2479\/revisions\/2488"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/excrcl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2479"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/excrcl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2479"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/excrcl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2479"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}