Some Thoughts on Fear

I’ve always found fear fascinating in the way it does not transfer from person to person. While I am terrified of spiders, snakes, and sharks, my friend could have no qualms about them, instead fearing clowns, tight spaces, and drowning. An object, a creature, a situation all have the potential to scare us. Some of these triggers are so strong, they can even paralyze us.

I often try to live by Eleanor Roosevelt’s motto, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” Most frequently, I apply this motto to my rock climbing. Though I’ve been climbing for 13 years, I undoubtedly get scared climbing from time to time. Humans are innately afraid of heights, and I don’t think it strange that I find my heart racing when my arms are fatiguing, the wind is blowing, and I’m struggling to clip a bolt at 50 feet up. Much of climbing — arguably 50% of it — is learning to dispel the fears and negative thoughts that will hinder you while on the wall. Forcing yourself to breathe, acknowledging the places that falling would either be dangerous or fatal, weighing the potential gain and loss of continuing, and then making your decision. Without a strong head game, you simply cannot progress in climbing. read more

Project Overview

Our original grant proposal:

When advertising trendy vacations to Cuba, every article describes old cars, bright but crumbling buildings, blissful island vibes, and music pouring onto the Malecón. Countless media outlets, including the New York Times, describe Cuba as being “a time capsule” and “on the cusp of change.” American tourists, previously unable to visit, lament wanting to visit before the country is “ruined” by capitalism. Visitors leave Havana with a distorted view of socialist society, viewing daily hardships through rose-colored glasses. As stated in one opinion article, “For these Americans, Cuba exists solely as an idealized socialist paradise, in almost complete stasis since the Cold War, which has yet to be befouled by the corrupting influence of other Americans. For them, the island nation is the land of the noble savage on the verge of contact with the advanced but impure outside world, sure to despoil its backward, but charming, ways. These people don’t want to see the real Cuba. They want to be able to say that they were there before it got Americanized.” But what is the reality of Cuban life, and how can we, as visitors, be aware of our positionality and participate in ethical tourism? read more

The Visit

Naturally, no matter how much careful planning one does, things may turn out far differently than expected — this is especially the case in Cuba. In the end, Evyn and I conducted our research more flexibly, perhaps not tackling one theme in full per day, but rather broaching several but less in-depth. We also essentially only interviewed Cubans, finding the conversations to be much richer and revealing than those with tourists would have been. Tourists’ problematic behavior is very easily detected through simple observation and eavesdropping. The following is not exactly a presentation of our findings, so much as a daily travel log, including the conversations we had. It’s more personal, but I hope it is eye-opening in some sense, nevertheless. Que te disfrutes. read more

Day 1

Returning to Cuba was a lot like returning home.

We touched down in La Habana at 9:30 p.m., the lights of the city less all-consuming than that of most cities. Our American pilot griped about the lack of gates — as if waiting for a gate were uncommon at any airport — and the Cubans around us remained stoic, accustomed to waiting. We de-planed and made our way through Jose Martí International Airport, the humid Havana air feeling welcome, the painstaking lines through immigration, baggage claim, customs, and currency exchange received with resignation. When at last we found ourselves seated in a taxi racing toward the city with our gregarious driver bumping and singing along to Ozuna, we felt at peace. read more

Day 2

The next morning we got an earlier start, heading to the Malecón for a morning jog. Evyn and I felt so free and happy as waves crashed over the coast, drenching us all the way to Hotel Riviera. We returned to take incredible cold showers.

Then it was off to Habana Vieja, Old Havana, tourist central. As soon as we arrived, we approached a couple taxi drivers waiting at Parque Central. These drivers camp out in the area with their particularly colorful, shiny cars, offering tourists driving tours of the city. The first man we approached quickly got distracted, trying to catch some tourists, so we ended up speaking with his friend Alejandro. Alejandro was short, maybe 5’5”, wearing jeans, a clean white button down, and a classic Cuban hat. His light blue eyes, contrasted with his tanned skin, looked at us directly and sincerely as he spoke. read more

Day 3

The next morning we did another glorious Malecón run, this time running east toward Vieja. About a mile and a half out, we reached a series of incredible statues for the Bienal. It made the run feel more like a game, the statues being checkmarks. We ooh-ed and ahh-ed at the graffiti art, sweating and smiling.

The morning turned sour, unfortunately, when we went to get brunch. We walked all the way out to 6 to go to Casanoba, as mentioned. Our eyes were definitely bigger than our stomachs, as we ordered two orders of eggs that each came with three sides, an omelette, tostones, a coffee, two juices, and two fruit cocktails. The place has great food and a nice ambiance (meaning actual seating and shade). And the portions were awesome. However, when we asked for the check, the waitress flatly wrote 15 CUC (dollars). Our meal could not have cost more than 7. read more

Day 4

The following day was Thursday, meaning we’d lunch with Angelita and Silvino. We got off to a rough start when again we were aprovechar-ed. Our driver charged us double the amount to get to Vedado, never telling us his fare when we got in. Meanwhile, he told a man getting in at our stop the higher price. At least he wasn’t charging us more just because we’re not Cuban.

We went to our favorite juice place and bought three frappuccinos, a smoothie, two fruit cocktails, and two bags of juice, all for $5. Juguera is absolutely amazing with its fresh ingredients. One bag of juice was mango ginger for Angelita and Silvino, while the other was tamarind and cinnamon for Evyn and Mitra’s summer neighbor, Alida.
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Day 5

The final day we spent at the beach. The beach in Cuba is a huge lure for tourists and Cubans alike; summer is approaching, and the heat becomes “insoportable.” We all got a little burned despite applying and reapplying sunscreen countless times, but it was worth the crystal clear water and relaxation after spending the previous days running around.

We packed up in a rush, gathering receipts, exchanging money, and sharing photos in preparation for our exhibition. Aldenis arrived to hand off his girlfriend Lucy’s t-shirt to bring to her, and we ended up saying goodbye to him and Mitra about ten times each. Soon enough, we were speeding down the carretera in an orange 56, the sun setting behind us. read more

Conclusion

I always feel a tug at my heartstrings when I say goodbye to Cuba. The people I know there mean so much to me, my time there, invaluable. I will always remember my first two months studying there as one of the most important periods of my life. Cuba made me a more confident and conscientious person. Cuba taught me to be more appreciative of everything I have been blessed with. Cuba taught me patience, resilience, and calm.

I want to return as soon as possible. There is still so much of this country that I’ve never seen, so many people to keep visiting and meeting. If I could have it my way, I’d stay with Mitra for the next month helping with her work in Los Pocitos, re-establishing a routine in Cuba like I had two years ago. Practicing and perfecting my Spanish. But “se supone” that I have to go graduate.
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What to Do in the Face of Rejection

My best friend and I both got rejected from some pretty stellar jobs this week. It’s objectively sucky. I, for one, have been rejected by myriad jobs in the last three months, so this was nothing new. I did almost cry, but felt like I lacked the energy to do so. Overall, I think the bummer mostly resided not in the job itself, perhaps, but in the certainty of the job. This was a job I knew I could do really, really well. I would have been able to walk right into it without the blink of an eyelash. I would know exactly what I’d be doing for the next two years, starting in August, and I also would have been able to start arranging plans for where I’d live. My life would finally lack the ambiguity that has been torturing me for months. read more

Sky Kraken

This beer was recommended to me and my roommate by one of our favorite liquor store employees — who said another employee (an infamous former college caterer) can’t get enough of it. We dug it as well.  

Name: Sky Kraken

Brewery: Fremont Brewing (Seattle)

Style: Hazy Pale Ale

Rating: 3.3 / 5

Review: Refreshing, not overly hoppy. The can claims it boasts melon, citrus, pineapple, and pepper flavors, but they don’t shine through as much as one would like. However, it’s a crowd-pleaser, an overall good quality beer. And as the can says, “Sky Kraken is also just a really cool name for this really cool beer that we wanted to brew.” read more

The Marathon Learning Curve

Two weeks ago, I ran my first marathon ever.

Finishing this marathon was arguably one of my greatest accomplishments. The sense of pride and accomplishment I felt crossing that finish line — and continue to feel — is enormous. In the aftermath, I look back at the months of training: the hours of running and cross-training, braving icy and cold trails alone countless times, the constant self-motivation required, the relief of finishing my long run each week. Yes, I think of it as a rewarding time of self-growth and persistence; but I also think of it, in large part, as a learning experience. read more

India Pale Ale

My friend has taken to buying Costco beers — IPAs, APAs, stouts. While they’re definitely superior to your Rolling Rock or Busch, I can’t get behind them.

Name: India Pale Pale

Brewery: Kirkland

Style: IPA

Rating: 2 / 5

Review: The most basic of IPAs you could ever drink. I blind-tasted this and was like, “This tastes like an IPA…not really getting any sort of flavor beyond that.” It has a bit of hoppy-ness. That’s it. It’s a taste as generic as its name of simply, “India Pale Ale.” Stick to buying beers from your local brewery, not Costco, Jesse. read more

Los Locos

I’m currently revisiting an old favorite, and I’m enjoying it thoroughly. Here’s Marta’s and my review from summer 2017.

Name: Los Locos

Brewery: Epic Brewing Company (Denver)

Style: Mexican Lager

Rating: 4.5 / 5

  • Marta: “The combination of the salty lime and tropical vibes make this a true sensory experience.”
  • Slaico: “My only regret is that I didn’t have tacos to eat this with.”
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A Miracle, A Mile Away – Bad Suns

Invisible, until I want to be.
I’m miserable on a beautiful day.
Take one look around you
And you just might find
A miracle, a mile away.

Might be a miracle,
A smile arrives on your face.
Might be a miracle
A mile, a mile away.

Quit looking for love you’ve left behind,
Waiting for what you’ve yet to find.
Might be a miracle
A mile, a mile away.

So spiritual
You used to be.
So cynical
In every obvious way.
Take one look around you and the world might end.
A miracle
In every day.

Sappy Post #748737291

It’s nearly the end of the school year.

Graduation is upon us – Oprah is coming – and it seems very clear to me that these last two months are going to fly by. I’ve spent this last semester out of class, job hunting and networking relentlessly, working and saving money, and training for a marathon. And it’s seemed endless. I have felt hopeless and directionless countless times, second-guessed myself and then second-guessed myself again, broke down reasonably and unreasonably. The bottom line: the future is terrifying, and sorting life out, a mess. read more