It’s been nearly a week back at school. Re-adjusting to a busy daily routine has been tiring, but certainly not unmanageable. Really, everything has been same old, same old. Right now, I’m just wondering whether that’s a good or a bad thing.

I recently said goodbye to a friend who was leaving for a month to take a course in Patagonia. I commented that I was glad he’d be back before Spring Break, since I wanted to see him again before I leave for Chile in March. “You’re leaving again?” he asked, incredulous. “Do you hate it here?” read more

I turned 21 a couple months ago.

Was I excited? Sure. But it quickly subsided into a kind of ho-hum feeling, not negative, just indifferent.

Up until that point, I felt perpetually 17. Prior to 17, I think I always felt myself so old, so mature. After 17, I felt enormously incapable of being deemed “an adult.” I was repulsed by any “adult” activity and, upon encountering any such activities (traffic, filling out forms, etc.), would just mutter, “God, I hate being an adult.”

These feelings only grew in size last year when I turned 20, but instead of repulsion, they turned to panic. Two decades of my life, done. Like that. How fast would the next two decades pass? In despair, I remember donning my favorite pair of socks that say “Dang it all to heck,” slipping on my Asics, and tearing out the door on my 20th birthday. I then proceeded to run 5 miles, crying, while listening to Bad Suns’ “20 Years,” among their numerous existential songs. Not a shining moment. read more

There have been many times in the past few months that I’ve wanted to say something, but I didn’t know what – another annoying rant, another existential musing, another complaint. It all seemed like a waste of time, especially yours, if you’re actually reading this right now. But something that keeps ringing true for me lately – and I think could help a great deal of people – is some advice I received this summer, from my housemate and absolute queen, Mira.

I was fretting about something. I don’t remember the exact details, but I was telling Mira how I was afraid some action or words of mine could potentially upset someone in my life. And she responded, “You’re not responsible for other people’s emotions.” At first, I nervously laughed and continued fretting, “But seriously, if I say this…” and rambled on some more. I don’t know if we ever resolved my anxieties, but that statement has constantly returned to me since. read more

I’ve been thinking a lot about my definition of “home” lately. To be honest, I still haven’t really figured it out. But I’ve just been so torn between where I am right now and where I think I’d like to be – literally and figuratively – that I’m trying to determine where home is.

Home is familiar. It’s where you feel safe and comfortable and understood. It’s where you feel loved. Moreover, I think it’s where you can fully express your love back. It doesn’t have to be a physical space; it can be a person, an activity, maybe some ridiculous idea you have. It’s something you can rely on when you’re distressed. This much I can put together. read more

I’ve had three pretty weighty epiphanies in the past week. The trouble with big thoughts such as epiphanies is that you can’t get them off your mind; they keep gnawing at you, ringing more and more true. Before long, you might even accept them as fact.

And facts are inescapable.

This sounds dark, but it doesn’t have to be taken as such. True, I could make this post really long, going into the shadowy depths of each epiphany and what they may or may not mean, but that’d be unhealthy for all of us. I’ll just focus on the main one, to spare us all: Music is the only thing you – or perhaps just I – can depend on. read more

I can’t stand people who have nothing to say for themselves. You know – those people who are just so vanilla, so mild, so unwilling to contradict you, and so annoyingly pleasant all of the time. There’s nothing inherently wrong with these people. They’re nice. But it’s impossible for me to have a real conversation with them; it’s always small talk about the weather and finals coming up.

I suppose I’m opinionated enough myself (considering I unashamedly rant on the internet like this somewhat regularly). However, I intentionally try to surround myself with people who are even more opinionated – people who have something to say about the most random things, and passionately. Whether I agree with their opinions or not is no concern. The fact that they are unapologetically themselves, that their personality is constantly reflected by their words, and that they are unafraid to express themselves is so refreshing. But above all, they’re just really fun to rile up. I swear, nothing is more fun for me than spurring a heated spiel in someone. Hey, I’ve gotta break the monotony somehow. read more

I’ve struggled for some time now over my perception of routine. Every time I start getting stuck into a fixed schedule, I find myself growing resentful of it and wishing I were doing something more flexible. Then I’ll break the routine even for a short period and find myself craving consistency once more. It happened just in the past week. 

After two months of being back at school, I found myself itching. Monday and Tuesday meant shifts at the climbing gym; Wednesday, a drum lesson; Thursday, layout for the school paper all afternoon and evening; Friday, a newspaper section meeting and going to the downtown climbing gym. Even weekends, supposedly free, were structured – one day for work, the other for outdoor activity. And then of course irritating meetings, errands, and other obligations would overlay that basic routine. I became exhausted, running myself into the ground as I walked the same paths week after week.  read more

Anyone who’s met me knows I’m cynical to a fault. Yet I will never apologize for being cynical – someone’s got to do it. I just hate it when people confuse my cynicism for pessimism. I don’t ever intend to be negative when I assess things; rather, I’m trying to view things as they objectively are. However, more often nowadays, I’m trying to abandon my cynicism altogether. I’ve been striving to be friendlier, more honest, and generally optimistic. I’ve got a new mantra, and as cheesy as it sounds, it has helped me every day. read more

My family does not have great vision. Nearly everyone in my extended family wears glasses or contacts, and everyone in my immediate family has both. My parents, naturally, are the most blind out of the five of us, my sister, the least. I don’t know how my brother and I compare. What I do know is that with bad vision in my left eye coupled with pretty bad vision and astigmatism in my right eye, my overall vision is weak. I am very grateful to have proper contacts and glasses to correct for this weakness, but it’s impossible to avoid instances in which I’m wearing neither. And I can’t stand those instances. read more

I heard on the radio earlier that today is supposedly the most depressing day of the year – not January 16th, specifically, or MLK Day, specifically (that would be a HUGE “Yikes”). Rather, it is most depressing because it’s a Monday, and it’s January, so it’s historically very cold. It’s far enough into the new year that you’ve probably tried and failed to accomplish your resolution, and among other things, the holidays are definitively over.

I had a splendid day despite the odds working against me, particularly in regards to the holidays being over. See, in my house, the Christmas tree will remain standing proud and tall until one too-aggressive sneeze is able to knock off all its needles in one blow. I’m not exaggerating when I say that it will stay up until early to mid February. Maybe we leave it up because we’re lazy; maybe we do it because we can’t bear to let Christmas go. Maybe we even do it to feel superior to the people dumping their Christmas tree carcasses on the corners of New York City. Whatever it may be, I’d like to think it’s because we’re just trying to beat the real most depressing day of the year: the day the tree comes down. read more

French fries are irresistible. No matter how much you try to avoid them, they always present themselves to you, and you aren’t ever going to refuse. Maybe that’s just me. I’ve found that even when I don’t order them at a restaurant, I still fall victim as my friends and family offer up their fries. It’s gotten to a point that whenever anyone has fries, I think I have license to take some. Therefore, if I’m eating with someone I’ve never even met before and they have fries, I will get an urge to take some even though I know it would be totally rude and odd. The same thing happens in the dining hall at school – I see someone I don’t know carrying a plate with french fries, and suddenly, I’m nearly plucking off a handful. I catch myself every time, but one day I think I’ll trip up. read more

I’ve complained about this to enough people before, so I’ll keep this one brief.

I’m a generally cold person – figuratively at times, yes, but I mostly mean literally. I grew up in New York and went to boarding school in Connecticut for high school, so I’ve definitely had exposure to frigid winters. Therefore, one would imagine I’d be well adjusted to cold and be able to endure it.

Perhaps I did have this endurance in years past. Yet no one told me that by attending college in Colorado, I’d lose it. There, the weather fluctuates ridiculously. For instance, last year, there was a weekend in the dead of January that I was wearing shorts. The following weekend, we had a blizzard. Take a couple days from last month, even. Friday, 10:00 am: 61 degrees Fahrenheit. Saturday, 10:00 am: 1 degree Fahrenheit. A 60 DEGREE CHANGE IN 24 HOURS. Thus, it is basically impossible for me to acclimatize to any sort of weather anymore. 40 degrees may have felt balmy to me in Connecticut on a day in February, but in Colorado, it can feel absolutely miserable, given that the previous day may have been 65. read more

I met up with some old friends from grade school today for some good old fashioned hiking, reminiscing, and movie watching. We try to get together a few times a year during breaks to fill each other in on our lives, and it’s always a comical time hearing about each other’s adventures. The last time we really saw each other was back in summer – I had had them over to my house for a barbecue and they left pretty late that night. Somehow we got to talking about speeding tickets, and one of my friends admitted that he had actually gotten a ticket that night, driving home from my house. read more

A brief tyrade: NO ONE KNOCKS ANYMORE.

It is simply common courtesy to knock on a single bathroom door to see if it’s occupied. I shouldn’t have to even lock the door if people obeyed this little rule. But I do, as there have been literally countless times that I’ve heard someone try to burst into the bathroom while I’m using it.

Don’t assume that I’ve locked the door. What if I forgot? Then you’re legitimately walking in on me. Awkward for me, sure, but even more awkward for you. JUST KNOCK. read more

A week ago I was at my home climbing gym in Upper Saddle River, The Gravity Vault. I didn’t have much time to climb that day, as I had to cover for a girl at work in the afternoon, but I was making the most of it. I bouldered hard for a little over an hour and was going to pack up when my former coach, Ferdie, approached me.

Ferdie sets routes for the gym every few weeks. He doesn’t set as much in the Upper Saddle River location, but you can see his signature on the start of many routes there regardless. He asked me what I thought of the setting at the gym, having had the opportunity during the school year to climb in gyms in Colorado, a major climbing state. read more

As it is Father’s Day, I feel it’s only right that I talk a bit about dads and their invaluable contributions to family, society, and well, the universe. They play a subtle role that very few could begin to master – and they do it without really trying. Here are some, but not all, things that only dads are good for:

Allowing you to shamelessly eat pizza for breakfast or chocolate cake for dinner. 
In this scenario, it must be noted that Mom ISN’T present. Not only is Dad cunning enough to keep this a secret from Mom (until you spill the beans of course – “MOM! GUESS WHAT DAD LET US DO!”), he also is able to paint the situation as something that you all deserve and would be wrong to refuse to do.  read more

As this is the ECC, failing to mention the power of cereal would be a terrible shame. Whenever you’re having a breakdown, cereal is there for you. Through thick or thin, 2% or soy milk, whole grain or chock full of sugar, it really never fails to cheer you up. Not only that, it has sparked inspiration within me recently – inspiration to co-mingle.

I’ve always liked to mix cereals. Most commonly, I’ll mix a plain cereal with a sugary one: Rice Chex with Lucky Charms, Cheerios with Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Corn Flakes with Frosted Flakes, etc. However, of late, I’ve gone a little crazy. Now in my bowl of cereal, you can find Pecan Great Grains, Banana Great Grains, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, 2 types of Granola, and Wheat Chex. I’d add more types of cereal if there were more in the house. I guess I’ve just decided that there is no limit to the number of textures and flavors I can and should add. If they’re all good, why not add them all? read more

What is it about campuses that causes squirrels to act so strangely?

After attending boarding school, visiting other boarding schools,visiting colleges, and now attending college, I think I have enough experience to say that campus squirrels are a rare variety of their own. These squirrels fear nothing. They’ll come right up to you like they’re dogs.

BUT THEY’RE NOT DOGS.

They’re gross. They’re creepy.

I’ll be walking through campus, minding my own business, when a squirrel will scamper across my path, getting within a foot of me. It’d be one thing if this creature were cute–then this action would be endearing–but its beady little eyes tell otherwise. read more

I recently visited a school friend, despite thinking that we’d never organize ourselves enough to actually make plans. Yet sure enough, we were able to time it and I made the drive over with ease. We enjoyed each other’s company for a few days and then parted ways. I’m still surprised it all worked out.

However, what struck me about the visit was how comfortable it all was. I had never been to her house; in school, while we were very close, we didn’t live in the same dorm, were in different friend groups, and shared no classes. In a way, this was the first time we were spending an extended time together. read more

Since I’ve just returned from spending a week in Florida, I feel it’s only necessary to touch upon some of the irritating things one may encounter in a theme park. It doesn’t help that almost anything can annoy me, but these behaviors are despicable no matter who you are, and they seem to be happening increasingly in these parks. I could probably list dozens, but here are the top three (or at least the first three I could think of):

1. Poor attire. I swear, people have decided that theme parks that have one water ride are now water parks and will walk around in swimsuits. I saw several girls get on a rollercoaster in bikinis, no joke. Nobody wants to see that. Get it together. read more

My sister and I actually dragged ourselves out of bed this morning to go to church. It wasn’t our idea. When we got there, we naturally ran into a lot of adults that are friends with our parents, but that we don’t know too well. As best as we could, we mingled with them and tried not to seem too awkward or really desperate to leave. We had relative success, but one interaction rubbed us the wrong way. As we headed out, nearly free, one familiar adult came up to us and said, “My, you girls are getting so BIG! I can’t believe it!” read more

I had a revelation early today that if I was left with nothing but Pinterest to guide me, I could survive on my own.

I could learn how to make crafts and ceramic pieces to sell.
Spend the money on food to cook all of the recipes I’ve learned.
Take the recipes to start my own restaurant and save up more money.
Spend the additional money on interior decorating (which Pinterest also helped me with) and on vacations in the various places Pinterest has recommended.
Dress with perfect style and know how to do different hairstyles.
Give the best homemade presents to people.
Be an expert at hosting parties.
Have a kick-ass daily work-out routine. read more

Another absurd story. I have a friend obsessed with condiments–she’s always putting ranch, seasoning, or most importantly, soy sauce, on her food. She recently told me, “You know, my friend ordered us some Chinese food, and she got these dumplings. They came with the best soy sauce, and lots of it. It’s way better than regular soy sauce. I can’t believe I’ve been ordering General Tsao’s chicken for so long when I could’ve been ordering these dumplings with this soy sauce. So you know what I did? I put all the extra soy sauce in a water bottle and I carry it in my bag. Now when the dining hall has no more soy sauce, not only do I have some, but the best kind.” read more

I’m always baffled by how people can simultaneously insult and compliment me. Earlier today, a teacher approached me about an article I wrote for the school paper. She verbatim said to me, “I mean, I wasn’t on the edge of my seat, but I was definitely engaged reading it!” Thanks? I’m so glad my article was interesting, but not that interesting, to you.

Talk about absurd. Today, a friend of mine showed up to inform me and a few others that someone stole half her sandwich. Stealing a sandwich is one thing. Stealing half a sandwich isn’t much different. What’s important here is what “half” means. In this case, someone took the top slice of bread with the meat and mayo, leaving the full bottom slice of bread with the lettuce and tomato. It’s times like these that I question why I exist.

As I recently discussed with my mom, typing is so taken for granted nowadays. I can type fine now, but I remember how tortuous it was to learn the skill. In third grade, my class had a space-themed typing program where you had to type a certain phrase or sentence correctly and within a certain time period in order to advance to the next level. Imagine the 9-year-old stress as my peers and I anxiously tried to type quickly – quickly enough that the phrase wouldn’t erase and restart – and not make a mistake. If you rushed it, you’d make a mistake and be forced to start over. If you took your time, you wouldn’t complete the phrase in the time limit. You could be literally (and quite easily) stuck on the same level for the full 45 minutes of typing practice, trapped in this vicious cycle. The kid who sat next to me during these typing exercises routinely cried or banged his fists on his desk in frustration. Learning to type is anguish, people. read more